Life and Love

So it's been awhile since I have blogged at all. To be honest, until I watched "Julie and Julia" this evening, I completely forgot about this blog. So since my last (and only) post, I figured I would jump back on here and provide some updates on where I have been this year.

My previous entry was very depressing, as I was in a not happy time in my life. My relationship with Mr. Wonderful was somewhat rocky and I was unsure of where I was supposed to be going in my life. Since then things have certainly changed. Starting with a wonderful and relaxing summer, visiting with family and friends, and ending in early August with a marriage proposal. We had the most wonderful short engagement of three months and were married on October 30th, 2009. We honeymooned in Atlantic City (Vegas by the beach) and have been loving married life. I have never been so happy in all of my life. There is a level of wholeness now that I have never previously experienced.

Of course life isn't without bumps in the road, and unfortunately just 10 days before our wedding, my husband was let go from his job. Which ordanarily would not have sent us into a frenzy, except for the fact that I was laid off in October of 2008. So the past month has been so stressful for the both of us.

With the holidays upon us and facing not only a holiday where neither of us are working, but it's the first holiday without Nanny. We lost my beloved grandmother (Nanny) in March and this was her favorite time of year. While I am excited for the first married Christmas with my husband, I am somewhat downtrodden due to all the external stresses going on.

I see how my friends are purchasing homes and starting their families, and while I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful step-daughter, I cannot help be envious of the fact that all of my friends are financially succeeding... feeling a bit left out. So here's hoping that the new year will bring jobs for both my husband and I and that our finances will become exponentially more stable.


Happy Holidays!!

Back to School

So, it's back to school time and with all of the sales and supplies I see everywhere... I strangely find myself reminiscent of the days when I was in school. Life was so much easier and I'd trade just about anything for the "problems" I thought I had then.... they were so inconsequential compared to now. I sometime wonder what it was like for my parents, watching every new year start a little older and more mature. As a step-mom now, I understand just how quickly time flies and sadly feel as though time is rapidly running out. Before we know it another year will have come and gone... what changes does God have in store this year? Seems like so much has happened over the past nearly 8 months..... so many struggles and battles, when does the relief come? When does the peace of resolve settle in.... some days are great and others so stressful.

I long for the days of financial security... where going to the grocery store didn't cause a panic attack.... when you could fill your gas tank up for less than $50.... will those simpler times ever return? Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for. A beautiful home, truck, family.... a man who although we have had ups and downs, has always provided a nice home for us. But it seems like there is something missing.... perhaps when (if, rather) I ever find work, maybe that completeness and independence will return. The insecurity and anxst I feel can be completely encompassing at times....

Time.... although passing so quickly.... is the only thing that will tell.

My Whole World

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.

~Albert Schweitzer

When I was a little girl, I remember sitting and daydreaming of what my adult life would one day be like. I imagined a suburban home, white picket fence, 4 kids and a dog. I would spend my days cleaning and cooking while the children were at school and would welcome them home everyday with milk and cookies. Then, promptly at six pm, my husband would come home clad in a suit and tie to a hearty meal prepared with love... sounds like an episode of Happy Days or something.

Now as an adult I find reality is not quite as vivid as my imagination. In fact life is not nearly what I expected it to be. The older I am the more I realize that my actual reality is so much better than anything I could have ever imagined. For years I would pray that God would bless me with a stable home, loving partner, and a child by the time I was 25. At 24, in the midst of a divorce and single, I began to doubt that I would ever find true happiness. I finally began to focus on me... and somewhere in finding myself I found true happiness. I met a wonderful man and began one of the best relationships I have ever been blessed with. He was 30 and had a little girl that was 10. While I understood that he was a package deal, I was secretly thrilled that maybe, just maybe, on day this would be my family.

Now, over a year later, I have come to realize that everything I prayed for is coming into existence. While it might not have been exactly what I prayed for but I have been blessed with everything I have ever wanted and for that I am eternally grateful.